23 May, 2007

No.01: Rough Time

Gao Xin Hospital

Having what one may call a ' rough day', out of boredom I sat in front of my computer browsing through different websites. The truth is, there's really nothing else to do around here for entertainment or for a friendly chat with friends living miles away from me. Somehow, nothing seems to capture my interest. Then I decided to try my hand in writing in order to take my mind off this boredom. At least if I begin writing, it'll kick-start my dormant mind which haven't been functioning as it should for eons now. So, here I am, clicking away about my not-so-pleasant but recent experience. And it does help me to get my mind away to focus on my new venture into the 'blogging' world!

For the past two consequent days, I've been to the doctor for check-up on eye-inflammation which seems to come up out of nowhere a few days back. I've had the same problem a month ago on the other eye for which I had no medication and it just seems to heal almost perfectly by itself. This time, I decided I'd better consult the doctor.

I went with my 'waiban' (Director of Foreign Department). It was about half an hour ride from my University by car. After registration, we were ushered into the doctors room. The fact that I cannot communicate with the doctor who speaks none other than Chinese makes it doubly frustrating. So I explained (or at least to my waiban) the problem who then translated it to the doctor.

The doctor nodded, took a quick look at my inflamed eye, scribbled some medicine to buy, asked me to take a therapy (I still don't know what that therapy was for!) and to come back the next day. We were then quickly ushered out of the room. That's it! I don't know what I expected. But I'm quite sure one quick glance at my eye is definitely not one of them!

We went down to the second floor to take the therapy. I was asked to lie down. A long adjustable iron attached to a domineering machine behind me, with a round black patch at the end was adjusted near my infected eye. It doesn't emit any heat nor any physical sensation felt. So, there I was, lying down with the machine churning behind me for 20 minutes.After the therapy, I don't feel any different!

We went back the next day to find the doctor take the same quick look, same therapy for 20 minutes and we were off again. The only difference this time is that I was asked to go back after two days and if there's no improvement, I may have to undergo a minor-operation. This is no good news at all for me. I dread the thought of having to go through surgery especially in a foreign land.

I've asked several friends for prayer support. Meanwhile, here I am brooding with doubt and yet with a teeny weeny ray of hope that I will somehow be healed. I'm hoping and praying my heartfelt prayer that I'll wake up tomorrow to find my eyes completely healed. I know I'm being tried to the highest limit of the little faith I have in Jesus. I also know that if it's His will, I can be healed. Even if not...I still believe that I'm going through this for a higher purpose which in His utmost grace decides to keep it unrevealed for the moment. This is just another step I have to overcome.

As I sat with mixed feelings, my eyes caught this writing which I printed out several months ago. And I'm amazed at the accuracy of his promise and timing.....I know this is His way of telling me that "He'll never leave me nor forsake me - EVER".

"Our Thinking vs.God's Promise"

"It's impossible"
All things are possible (Lk.18:27)

"I'm too tired"
I will give you rest (Mt.11:28-30)

"Nobody really loves me"
I love you (Jn.3:16)

"I can't go on"
My grace is sufficient (II Cor.12:19)

"I can't figure things out"
I will direct your steps (Prov.20:24)

"I can't do it"
You can do all things (Phil 4:13)

"I'm not able"
I am able (II Cor.9:8)

"It's not worth it"
It will be worth it (Rom.8:28)

"I can't forgive myself"
I forgive you (I Jon 1:9 & Rom.8:1)

"I can't manage"
I will supply all your needs (Phil.4:19)

"I'm afraid"
I have not given you a spirit of fear (II Tim.1:7)

"I'm always worried and frustrated"
Cast all your cares on Me (I Pet.5:7)

"I don't have enough faith"
I've given everyone a measure of faith (Rom 12:8)

"I'm not smart enough"
I give you wisdom (I Cor.1:30)

"I feel all alone"
I will never leave you or forsake you (Heb.13:5)

By Faith Sealock